TTC: Todays visit ups and downs read only if it intests you not wooly at all

Today I got up at 4:30am to get to my 9am dr apt because its in a +1 hour time zone and I needed to take Tom to work first and be half an hour early since it was my first visit. I had already talked to my regular OBGYN office and they had told me they were prepared to fax my medical records as soon as the specialist called and then faxed over my release form once I got there. So you would think with all this preparation nothing could possibly go wrong right? (you guys can by now since the sarcastic grin I have and the joke here right?)

I have a slight (or not so slight) fear of new places, and crowds and getting lost. I get severe anxiety with occasional panic attacks that I used to take Xanax for, but stopped over the summer once we got serious about having a baby. Unfortunately the doctors office was in downtown Louisville, KY. Even though I had very good directions I still managed to get lost. The streets were very crowded with both people and cars. I finally pulled over to an empty metered spot and jumped out putting 2 quarters into the meter then back into the car, turning it on and locking the doors. Then I used my phone (its not often I take the time to thank my husband for insisting I buy an Iphone but I think this is one of those times I just have to) to look up the new directions to the dr office. I found them pretty easily that time. I parked in the parking garage right across from the dr office and walked over in the nifty 3rd story cross walk!

Next I talked to the concierge (im not kidding, thats what the desk plate called her) and found out how to get to the dr office. After that the regular new dr stuff. I signed the release paperwork but it asked for my date of birth first so I ended up dating everything after that with my date of birth (did I mention I have been a huge bundle of nerves for days) and ended up going back and fixing most of the dates. A while later I got called back and they took my weight and blood pressure then took me to a consultation room. They told me they were waiting on my records. I waited, and waited and waited some more. Somewhere along the way I think lines got crossed because the records did not get faxed until after my appointment. Then the Dr on fellowship came in to talk to me and get my back ground and history from me.

We went over all of that. We discussed possibilities ( a lot of what I had talked about with my regular OBGYN) and then she asked if I could do a sonogram that day and set up bloodwork for the 3rd day of my next period. They can apparently tell a lot about your ovaries and your past history and health from that particular day. I said no problem and she went to set that up and see if my records were in. The regular Dr came in a while later to talk to me and I have to say by this point I was kind of going into overload. It was several hours after I had first arrived and I was just very emotionally drained and sort of at the end of what I had to still be able to function alone.

He was discussing that I may need an MRI and a Kidney sonogram but I told him I wanted to make sure I needed it first. I know that is because of my dad. He died of kidney failure and I just have a very hard time discussing it all when Im that drained. I should have just let them do it but I did not. My records were still not there but he also told me I had explained my situation to them very well. He told me my problem was not that I was infertile, because I was obviously fertile, but that my uterus was malformed. The reason we were talking about that is that my insurance would not cover his visit if it was decided that it was do to infertility. He told me that having 2 pregnancies in that time frame was proof that I can conceive now we needed to see what was causing me to miscarry.

I also had to tell them I was depressed and no I was not suicidal. My husband helped me fill out the paperwork and yall do not really know Tom that well but believe it or not he is actually a really stand up guy who tells the truth a lot and tries to always do the right thing as he sees it (the trouble with us comes when he sees it one way and i see it another but thats another story). So he put on my paper work for me that I have been drinking a lot and I wont lie here since I am putting it out there to help others. He put correctly 15-20 drinks a week for alcohol and 8-10 coffee or tea drinks a day. This lead to me explaining how this miscarriage took a really long time to show up. How I had to go back to the dr week after week looking for the 0 number to say it was finally over. I told them how after a week of this I started doing the things I initially avoided while trying to get pregnant in an attempt to get it out of my body. How I just wanted it to end and be over and how I felt so horrible about it at the same time. I also found out from them that this is a normal reaction. I did not know that but I have to say some part of me is glad to know Im normal here. They did tell me that its time to bring it back to a normal level though. I need to quit coffee again and bring my tea back to 2 cups a day.

I also need to stop drinking again too. I will but not tonight. Tonight Im way to overloaded with all these emotions some good, some bad, some I don't even know what they mean. I have cried all day. So the results of the sonogram. No easy fix. No septum. that would have meant an outpatient surgery and then a normal pregnancy I found out. nope I have a unicornunate uterus and this changes most things in odd ways. I am still very fertile but i will likely miscarriage a lot more than most women, i will have to have a C-section early term do to having a uterous half the size of a normal full term, I will also have to continue to see the specialists in Louisville instead of the local ones, I will not be able to have natural child birth, my risk of having a still born is much higher, my risk of later complications is higher so I will have to be monitored much more, I will also be considered high risk the whole time and be put on bed rest earlier than normal.

Now all that is from the preliminary stuff. They still have to do the blood work, the MRI with contrast, the renal sonogram and then look at it all and evaluate it to make sure thats it. So all in all its much better in some ways and not so happy in others but we can still have children. We are supposed to put off trying until after the MRI but then I was told to try again. *hugs to all and I hope these words help someone*