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I made a decision yesterday to be happy. I know that sounds simple or silly, right? I have a great life with a good partner. I have loving; supportive family and friends (who I believe are my extended family really). I have a business that I love. I get to be as creative as I want. What's not to be happy about right?
I know that you all know if you read my blog regularly that I have had several miscarriages this year. What you may not know is that I suffer from constant chronic pain. I went to the Dr for this off and on in Florida to try to find the source so that I could fix it. In my search to feel better I went from Dr to Dr to Dr. They all ran a lot of tests, usually some the Dr before they ran, and usually came up with no identifiable cause or a Fibromyalgia diagnosis. (now what I am about to say may cause some of you to get angry but I ask that you continue reading and see my full thoughts on it) I find the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia to be a cop out. Please do not get me wrong here. I know that those diagnosed with Fibromyalgia are in pain and that it is real. My disagreement is that any major chronic pain just gets tossed under the generic heading that is now Fibromyalgia and then the Dr only treats the symptoms. The underlying issues are not addressed, and no further reasons are deemed to be necessary. There has to be a reason for all this pain. I just think that once you have been labeled to have Fibromyalgia the Dr mostly pat your hand and give you a pill.
The last time I discussed anything in regards to my pain my Dr recommended a pain clinic where they wanted to put me on narcotics as a preventative. I have a major issue with that for so many reasons. One because they will never again take your pain seriously. Two my dad was a drug addict, and I don't want ever to feel that way. Three they have to be out of their friggin minds if they think I'm just going to take a pill and go away. I did finally find a neurologist who took me seriously and helped me find some alternative methods to deal with the pain. He recommended high doses of magnesium and nerve blocks for my migraines. The nerve blocks last for a while and the immediate pain relief at first confused my senses because I did not know how to deal without having pain. Anyway, I am getting way off track.
The point is when you have chronic pain it drags you down on all your levels. The pregnancies have also done this to me. It is time that I realize it will continue to hurt, and I can either keep sitting on my butt feeling sorry for myself or I can work within my abilities to come back to the person that I am. I need to be happy and healthy for me. I need it for my relationship too. I need to take my vitamin supplements daily. I need to exercise daily. I need to do yoga again because I love it. I need to color my hair whatever random color I want because it makes me happy to have bright, cheery hair, and it always has. I need to quit trying to fit anyone's idea of me except for mine. I want to be happy. I am going to work as hard at feeling good and being happy as I have at feeling the opposite. From this day forward, I will always strive to remember and know that life is great and that it is worth living, and living well. I will be happy because I can be. I love you all and its time I also remember to show myself that I love me too. *hugs*
This post needs a happy photo, so here are 3 of me and my happy hair!
2 comments:
I think the fibromyalgia thing is on an up-pendulum swing. Ten years ago, virtually no one had heard of it, and people with unexplained pain were told it's all in their heads and to see a psychologist or psychiatrist. Now its almost like checking the box "Other" if you can't actually diagnose something. Its also a convenient disease if you want to self diagnose, because fibromyalgia sufferers have to deal with people not believing they have the disease, so the imitators can say that too, and further dilute its credibility.
I'm guessing the neurologist ruled out MS. My mom has relapsing-remitting MS but I don't think she gets migraines.
I'm glad you're prioritizing making yourself happy. That's something I (and I'm sure a lot of other people) should do for myself as well.
Funny story there, they told me I did have MS at one point. For 3 months we worried over what that meant before our next appointment to discuss treatment options. At that point they told me that they no longer believed it to be MS and would go forward with out that diagnosis. Freaky times I have had at the dr let me tell ya.
I have some demyelination of the brain but the spots are very small. I have one larger spot seen in one of my MRIs but then they no longer saw it.. made me wonder if there was a switch up with my results when I got the original MRI. (that was not done by the neurologist but by another hospital so it could have been messed up records). I have had other symptoms like numbness of my hands and feet at different times but after stopping some meds that I was on it got better. I have an uncle with MS and its a hard life he has but he makes the best of it always. I am pretty proud of him for that. He has always had this wonderful since of humor that I love.
I think if everyone treated themselves as someone they were dating, we would all be much nicer to ourselves. When I was single I would sometimes do silly things like candle light picnics by myself or nice dinner alone. Not the man I wish I was with someone else type of dinner but really treating myself and enjoying my own company. I guess even being married I still need to remember that too.
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