Life has a way of happening. (sad post)

Even when you wish it would not. I am updating here because I have to. I should have followed peoples advice and waited to tell anyone. I had hoped that by telling people it would have to all work out. I was just wrong. I feel stupid, mad, ashamed, embarrassed, depressed, upset and on top of it all I just want to feel numb.

I lost the baby and had to have a stupid test tell me. I am still having all the symptoms of being pregnant but the baby.. well its gone. The placenta is still there and thats why Im still having the symptoms. I have to wait for nature to finish what it started. I hate it all. I don't want it to be true. I thought I was further along this time and that it would be ok but its just not. Im sorry to anyone who got their hopes up along with mine. I have tried to figure out just what I did wrong. The doctor said i didn't do anything wrong but i still have to wonder.

Now I have to have some more tests to make sure my uterus is actually ok. They have to put dye into it and exray it but we have to wait until my next period to prevent infection. My doctor is really nice. She has been through this too and I guess that helps more. I really just want to wake up from this nightmare and still be pregnant and still be preparing for my baby. I am taking some time off work and I do not even know what to say to anyone. I want to scream and cry and break stuff. Instead I am just sitting in my room trying to sleep. I needed to put this here because you should know. I dont want to tell people individually. Its a bit of a copout. It was bad enough telling Tom. He was so happy about the baby and so was i and now its all gone.

I had to get a shot of Rhogam because Im O- and Tom is A+ to protect the future babies. RH factor is important because with out this shot my body decided this baby was a foreign object that had to go. So if you are - and your partner is + ask if you need this shot.
Hugs, Johanna