A Wolf with a Badge is Still a Wolf! - writing sample

A Wolf with a Badge is Still a Wolf! 

“Please Stop!” “We didn’t do anything!” “This is hurting me, please!” I can hear their crying, sniffles and huffing for breath all the way down in the valley where I am waiting.

Impatiently shaking my arms, and pacing I think, “Tonight is going to be the night.” My anger is visible, and I am attempting to shake it off before they arrive. “I have to keep a clear head,” I tell myself with a slight shake of my head that sends my hair into my face. I don’t need to see right now; I need to calm down. With one last deep breath for sanity, I assume a bored, arrogant stance and walk forward to the clearing.

They are just coming into view now. The three men seem to be taking pleasure in roughly shoving the crying girls forward and appear disappointed to see me already. “You are early, asshole!” says the largest of the men. He is possessively holding onto one of the girls.

“Yeah we haven’t even had any fun yet man,” says the dark-haired man to his right, attempting to laugh. “How about giving us another fifteen minutes man, what do ya say?”

I feel the irritation spreading already and can barely keep from growling at them. “Listen I paid you to do a simple job and even then you question me? All you were supposed to do was quietly bring the girls. Is this your idea of quiet? I could hear you coming a mile away. Did anyone follow you? If your incompetence has screwed this up, your ass is mine.”

The men all seem to shrink a bit at my words. Then the larger man puffs up a bit as if no one would dare cross him. I smile just a bit. I love it when they get scared. “No man, I swear no one followed us. No one even knows where we are right now. We didn’t tell anybody as you instructed,” says the puffed up moron.

I give them one last look, nod my head and say, “All right, let’s get them loaded into the trailer. I want to get out of here.” I start walking towards the door on the back of the trailer.

“Hold up just a minute. Where is our money?” It’s the big man of course. He is starting to piss me off.

“You get the money when the job is completed. Now load them up.” I state this as coldly as I can, letting the anger seep into my deepening voice.

The smaller men shrug and start tugging the girls towards the trailer. The girls have started struggling and protesting with renewed strength, terrified about what is happening. I wish I could calm them down, tell the girls they will be ok. I have no plans of harming them. There is no time right now. That will come later.

The big man must have a death wish I think because he backhands the closest girl. She falls, sobbing, with the force of the blow. In an instant, I’m there. I grab his arm, and throat, lifting him onto his toes, applying force to let him know I am not pleased.

”Did I give you permission to damage my merchandise? As a matter of fact, I warned you to stop screwing this up.” I growl out, and his nonplussed look only pisses me off more. He plays the game though and says, “I.. I’m sorry man. It won’t happen again. I swear.” I nod and let go after one last squeeze.

“I see the girls are all loaded up and locked in. Ready to get paid?” They nod, looking relieved, so I start walking towards the truck and take off my jacket. No since in messing it up if this gets ugly.

Facing them I ask, “Who first?” Now they look confused. Why are the scumbags always stupid? I hold up my badge and say, “You are under arrest. Get down on the ground with your hands up or…”

The two smaller guys who had been joking earlier fall to the dirt with their hands up. Too easy, I try not to laugh. While I am cuffing them and reading them their rights, the big guy has decided to make a run for it.

I go ahead and finish reading them their rights, then shove them into the back of the truck. It has been modified, and they aren’t going anywhere now. Looks like this night just got even better. With a grin, I take off, the chase calling me. Got to love the runners!

Oh, the irony does get to me at times. I pick up his scent and hear him cursing and struggling to get free. He didn’t get very far. Somehow he has managed to get caught in some thorn bushes just ahead. Guess we can’t all see well in the dark. I almost feel sorry for him, almost, I think with a grin.

I just start laughing as I walk towards him. He is just yelling now. “I know my rights. What are you going to do cuff me and arrest me? You think I will talk? You think you can keep me? This won't even go to trial. I have friends. I am not afraid of you.”

Of course, his scent tells me a different story. “No,” I say, “you are scared right now. I hear it in your heart beat and your fast breathing. I see it in your struggle to get loose, which, by the way, is only tangling you up worse. I know you won’t say anything, your friends won’t talk either with your there. You are right, there won’t be a trial for you.” I take one step forward.

He is ranting and screaming now. “What are you talking about man? You do not even make any sense. This is bullshit. I want my lawyer! You stupid piece of shit! Do you know who you are dealing with?” The last seems as if he meant to intimidate me.

“Well, your friends back there are sure to start singing the minute I take them in without you to protect them. You would just be in the way. Also, I don’t like you, anything about you. I don’t plan on arresting you so don’t worry; you won’t see the inside of a jail cell. Oh, one last thing, this could hurt a bit.”

I reach forward, my arm already transformed, ripping his arm off. His screaming only makes me shake my head. “I guess no one told you about all the recent animal attacks up in these woods lately. It looks like they found you before I could.”  With that, I shift and in one flood motion and lunge for his throat. God, I love my work!

The Blindness We Have as a People

What is there but we choose not see

   It amazes me to this day how blind we as a people can be. We walk down the streets and we don’t even see the homeless, the suffering. We hear the yells and screams at times but somehow they just mean nothing. We don’t get involved. It is not our place to interfere so we have told ourselves so often that nothing affects us at all anymore. We have become blind.

   The problem with being blind is atrocities are still happening all around us. They could even happen to us. Then we would truly understand what it means to have no one see when you need them. It is time we open our eyes and start seeing what is actually there. Notice the man who lays by wall shivering with the sign. See the lady in complex who always wears sunglasses and is “clumsy” getting bruised often. See the kids who look half starved. See people, see your world and then decide if you still want to pretend you see nothing.

   We can pretend it’s not a problem. At least it is not your problem because surely someone else will fix it. You can believe that if you need to hold onto that belief in order to sleep comfortably in your bed at night. In reality you know that no one is going to do anything differently. Tomorrow everything will just be just the same as it was today. People as a whole like to believe that someone else will fix it. Most people are walking around with this belief.  If everyone believes someone else will fix the the problem, then who is left to fix anything? You can choose to continue to be blind to the world or you can choose to act.

   You can talk to the lady about domestic violence. You can offer to go with her to places for help. You can call the police when you hear the screams. You can give the man on the street a blanket. You can volunteer to provide breakfast for those kids you see always hungry. You have a lot of choices. The choices are all around you, all you have to do is pick one.

   Once you have decided to see the world, you can choose to help in any way that suits you best. One person can not fix everything themselves. Trying to take it all on would be too much; that is the truth. For every one person who chooses to do something to help, you are at least making a difference in a way that was possible for you. You can advocate for more people to look around at this world we live in, in our very own neighborhoods. We can choose to lose our blindness as people. We can choose to stop walking around as if nothing was wrong, the world is perfect place. We can choose to open our eyes. Once your eyes are open, the rest is up to you.

Smelly House Slippers (Sells Pitch for something awful)

Smelly House Slippers
	

Aroma, Cushion, Comfort, Style - Smelly House Slippers will be the last pair of slippers you will ever buy again!

Each and every pair of Smelly House Slippers has been well loved. They will be coming already worn in just for you!

* No one likes to put on a stiff pair of house shoes! * 

     When I slip on a pair a house slippers I want them to mold right to my feet and be comfortable. With Smelly House Slipper the mold is guaranteed, adding just a bit more cushion to your precious feet. We have worked hard to cultivate our patented aroma. You will feel like you have had these shoes forever. They quickly feel like your old favorite slippers, because now they really are!

     There is nothing like that moment when you walk in your front door. You pull off the shoes that have been pinching your feet all day. Your feet are hurting. You are tired. You just want a break. Simply step into Smelly House Slippers and suddenly your feet feel relaxed. You feel more energized. You are now ready to face whatever comes your way tonight! Smelly House Slippers are like no other house shoe you have tried before.

     -- Order your pair today. There are only 3 easy installments of $19.95 (plus taxes and shipping) but don’t worry your slippers will ship out immediately. Just imagine the relaxation you are going to feel. Act now, supplies are limited!!

Sticks & Stones.. but Words will always haunt me

Sometimes I feel like I am so different on the inside that over time bits of it just keep leaking out. No matter how hard I tried to fit in, I wasn’t able to fit in anywhere for very long. I was too “Me". We are all told to be ourselves but no one actually expects that "yourself” will be anything different than what everyone else is. We are groomed to be just like each other in our area. We are told to think alike, believe alike, act alike and look alike. When we are anything other than what is considered “Normal” in a certain area it it seen as something Wrong. This happens regardless of the reason, be it genetic, spiritual, finances or rebellion. Yes there are a lot more reasons why you could be “Not Normal”; I was just going with some of the basics here that effected me.

I was so very much not like any of the other people around me. I was terribly shy. We were very poor, in an already low economic region. I had trouble completing school work in first grade although I was very very smart. I was put into special ed. I was later moved into Gifted class. I made the unfortunate mistake of absolutely falling in love with color. I went to my first day of first grade with hot pink hair and a bright orange shirt. I thought it was terrific. I was the girl who colored out side of the lines. I asked Why and fully expected actual answers. I was extremely curious. I had a hard time talking to others ever really. I had things I needed to hide always. I was fiercely protective of my siblings. I hand a strong sense of right and wrong. When things did not fall into the “Right” category I spoke up and did something about it. I was a sickly girl, not really sick but not really well. My stomach hurt always. I had bladder issues that didn’t get fixed until I had surgery at about 10 or so. I had my first crush in preschool - didn’t get kissed until at some point in high school (once) & then not again until I graduated & that was on a blind date. I lived in a lot of fear constantly but I also had to be the strong one.

 Eventually I learned to put up an outside that showed nothing touching me. People could laugh, make fun, tease, worse.. and I did my best to not let anyone know how badly it really effected me. I learned to make costumes from hand me downs from my mom who was fantastic at sewing and making them. I wore them at random times. When I would wear a costume, I learned I could be anyone and do anything. I joined the drama clubs for that reason, plus wearing costumes was a lot of fun. I learned that alcohol dulls pain - both physical and mental. I learned to ignore the things I could not remember. I learned to fight harder. I did not stop struggling. I did not lay down and die. I kept finding ways into and out of trouble. I joined a rock & roll band to learn how to talk to guys; I already knew how to talk to the girls ;). I worked in the cafeteria to get food. I read tarot at school. I took advanced classes & I graduated a year ahead. I also missed a lot of time off school when I was a kid and then at 16 I was in the hospital for 6 weeks. It was actually the easiest part of teenage years. I changed a few laws in my time & made some (a lot) of people angry. 

I grew up in different small rural towns in the south. Some of them more rural than others. It was very obvious I did not fit it, at all. I have heard a steady stream of statements in my time. Some good and some bad. In it all I have tried to see the truth in it all without being crushed under the weight of depression. I have always tried to maintain hope while preparing for the worst. Here are some of them:

You are so weird. You are a goodie-two-shoes. You are so odd. You are strange, stay away from me. She is just a loner. She is a bitch. She is so smart she thinks She is better than everyone else.  She is antisocial.  She is an alcoholic. She is a liar. She is nothing but white trash. You are an idiot. You are nothing. You are no good for anyone. You are very wise. You are the kind of girl you try all the kinky things with but I wouldn't marry you. She is someone's wife. She is a hippie. She is so abusive. She is a lesbian. You are a whore. You are a druggie. She is a witch. She goes to raves all the time.  She was abused at home its no wonder she turned out like that. She has lost so much weight, shakes, and is being really defensive - She is definitely on drugs! She likes being alone. You are so stupid. She dresses so funny. She is so sweet. She is very nice. She deserves love. She deserves all the shit that she gets. She is a damn crybaby. She is spineless. She refuses to back down from a fight, is she insane? She is such a loudmouth. She is too Fat. She is too Skinny.  She is a nobody. She is going nowhere in life. She will never amount to anything. She will be a doctor someday. She is going to be another pregnant dropout you mark my words. She is crazy. You are crazy. You are special. You are ugly. You are beautiful. You are going to die tonight bitch. You are so sexy. You have no sense of humor. You are so funny. No one will ever love you because you are nothing. You will be loved all your life with that sweet personality of yours. You are such a slut. You are so creative. You are very talented.

The list could go on and on but I really can’t do any more. I have worked on this for days. Tonight I will just post it and let it be. This is why I try so hard though to always do the kind things when possible. Hugs all.

My thoughts on the noise and silence in my head

I need to take some time to actually write on this blog. I have all these words that tumble around in my brain almost nonstop.. that is until I sit down to actually write and then the silence suddenly is all I hear. It is not a peaceful, resting, quiet silence. No this is the heavy silence that lets you know there really is something there, you just can't hear it or see it right now. This silence is an eerie that leaves you feeling very unsettled. You will find yourself rubbing your arms briskly and wishing you had worn your sweater.

Of course once I close the laptop or put down my pen/pencil and paper my mind will be instantly filled with the noise once again. There are times I feel like the incessant noise in my mind will not let up and if I don't get what is there out it will drive me insane. Sometimes I wonder how I am not already there. It is so jumbled and there are so many many voices to the past that need sorted. There are ideas, pictures or music that pulse through me and fill me with raw emotion.  I want to be able to share what I see or hear in my mind but I don't know how. I have tried to explain to others some of the things but they make no sense to someone who can not see, hear, or feel it the way I am. I feel like the brilliance gets lost and becomes nothing. I become nothing.

 I know this happens to other people and I am not alone in this. There are so many people who want to bring to life what it is they see, feel, hear and struggle. There are those who want to just get the noise out of their heads, make it stop, make it go away. There are those who wonder what peace and quiet really feels like as I do. Every so often I am lucky and for a little while I will actually get to have something that make some sense not only to me but they have arranged themselves in such a way that I can coax them out of my head and into something that I can share with the world. Those times are both the best and the worst. I feel exalted that I was able to bring something to life. I feel terrified it will be so picked apart and critiqued that there will be nothing of the art or the dream left in it. I dread how the world will tear it down and try to make it into nothing, or into something that fits a predetermined mold only as if there is no room for anything or anyone different.

Playing Dr with my Lappy

There really is a 1st time for everything!
Have questions, concerns or comments? Feel free to ask me at EverImprovingMeAdviceVlog@gmail.com
Also my Sidecar Code is JOHANNA47
-- gives you $15 off your 1st Sidecar ride!